over the past two months i have had ppl tell me how to feel about the breakup, how they have dealt with their own breakups, what i should and shouldn't do, what i should and shouldn't say, and everything between. these all lead to my defense mechanisms. Everyone has them. I thought i knew my ex's but i don't. heck i thought i didn't have one until today. My defense mechanism was to portray my ex in a bad light. This way i wouldn't remember the good things we had, i'll only remember what was wrong, and this way i can move on quicker. I don't want to do that.i've edited some post to reflect that i don't want to use the DF as crutch. What we lived the in past 4 years was real, and that is what i want to remember; the good, the bad, and the tears. this may be a stretch for ppl to understand but that's the way i'm making it. i cannot sit here and tell myself that it was all bad because i'll start to believe that it is true and i will have lost 4 years of my life and her.
I'll remember the camping, the trip to NJ DMV, Mt Washington, Bah Harbor Maine, traveling across NY state 3 times in one summer, Jeepie, Jeepie II, Pat Flanagan's, gray sweater, Dennis Leary's hockey Game, the World Series, Dropkick concert, and so much more. Sure there are some bad things that i'll remember too, but those are between me and her.
good night and good luck
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